Do people disappoint you?

Have you ever felt like someone didn’t care about you because they didn’t do something that was important to you? Do you ever feel that someone’s actions (or lack of action) are a direct reflection of how much they love you? Do you ever feel that you give and give, but you don’t get the same in return?

Is there a possibility that you have unrealistic expectations?

First and foremost, you MUST voice your expectations to the people in your life. If you don’t, DO NOT expect them to read your mind. We are all so different; there is a good chance that, because of their personality type, what you are looking for won’t come naturally to them.

Second (and just as important), do you think that, no matter what, everyone in your life should be making decisions for themselves that are for their highest good? I think so. If I’m exhausted, I may leave the dishes till the morning. If I’m swamped with urgent work to get done, I may need to delay calling a friend back for a couple of days. If a family member wants me to go to a last-minute family dinner, but I already have plans to do improv that night, guess what? I’m doing improv.

If someone is not being the friend you want them to be, being the partner you want them to be… ask yourself another question: what are you lacking? Do you need love? Do you need acknowledgment of your achievements? Do you need a creative hobby? What is it for you? Whatever you are lacking, you need to fill the void yourself! You don’t need anyone else to tell you that you are amazing. Tell yourself that you are amazing! That’s all you need. You don’t need someone else to love you. Love yourself with all your heart and know you are deserving of LOVE. Are you in turmoil and feel that you need to talk it out with a friend or family member? If you can’t connect with someone, take it as a sign–you need to look within yourself to find the answer.

Having friends, family, and long-term life partners in our lives is wonderful. However, for most of us, the opportunity for growth is to fulfill ourselves. The bonus is having other amazing people in our lives to share our joy; people who help us as we help them–by being sounding boards for each other as a means to help ourselves, rather than relying on others to fix our discomfort.

The next time you are upset with someone because they haven’t met your expectations, ask yourself these questions:

Did you clearly voice your expectations?
Are your expectations realistic?
Did they simply make a decision that was for their highest good?
Did they verbally make a commitment to you and break it?
If they verbally made a commitment to you and broke it, make sure you voice your disappointment and have a discussion where you can agree on future expectations.
If you continue to find yourself in situations where expectations were agreed upon and duties were unfulfilled with no extenuating circumstances, revisit why you are connected with this person and whether it’s a good match. Maybe it’s time to take all the energy you’ve been putting into that relationship and direct it back to yourself.
What are you lacking? How can you fulfill that yourself?

READERS WHO ARE FAMILIAR WITH THE ENNEAGRAM – HERE’S AN ADDITIONAL TIDBIT RELATED TO COMMITMENT…

If the person you are having an issue with is a 7 on the enneagram, keep in mind that their personality type doesn’t like to commit to anyone or anything because another more exciting opportunity may come up. If you want them to do something with you, get a clear commitment. If they say “maybe, that sounds good, I’ll look into it”… that is not a commitment; they still need to determine what they want to do.

Overall, it’s important to accept and love everyone for their uniqueness. Allow yourself and others to live life in a manner that will fuel your (their) individuality. We don’t need to take things so personally. We don’t need to read into ACTIONS or WORDS too intensely. When we overthink things, we end up distorting the intention.

If you are disgruntled, either get the courage to discuss the situation with the person, or find a way to change your thought patterns. You will decrease your stress and increase your happiness.