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Do People Let You Down?

October 21st, 2014

Written by: Jacquie Hermans 

Jacquie’s blogs are an outlet to share her personal stories and opinions.  If you are currently in emotional turmoil and don’t feel you can handle it on your own,  it is important for you to seek professional assistance from a trained doctor or therapist or at least, start with talk to a trusting, non-judgmental friend or family member.

Have you ever felt like someone didn’t care about you because they didn’t do something that was important to you? Do you ever feel that someone’s actions (or lack of action) are a direct reflection of how much they love you? Do you ever feel that you give and give, but you don’t get the same in return?

Is there a possibility that you have unrealistic expectations?

First and foremost, you MUST voice your expectations to the people in your life. If you don’t, DO NOT expect them to read your mind. We are all so different; there is a good chance that, because of their personality type, what you are looking for won’t come naturally to them.

Second (and just as important), do you think that, no matter what, everyone in your life should be making decisions for themselves that are for their highest good? I think so. If I’m exhausted, I may leave the dishes till the morning. If I’m swamped with urgent work to get done, I may need to delay calling a friend back for a couple of days. If a family member wants me to go to a last-minute family dinner, but I already have plans to do improv that night, guess what? I’m doing improv.

If someone is not being the friend you want them to be, being the partner you want them to be… ask yourself another question: what are you lacking? Do you need love? Do you need acknowledgment of your achievements? Do you need a creative hobby? What is it for you? Whatever you are lacking, you need to fill the void yourself! You don’t need anyone else to tell you that you are amazing. Tell yourself that you are amazing! That’s all you need. You don’t need someone else to love you. Love yourself with all your heart and know you are deserving of LOVE. Are you in turmoil and feel that you need to talk it out with a friend or family member? If you can’t connect with someone, take it as a sign–you need to look within yourself to find the answer.

Having friends, family, and long-term life partners in our lives is wonderful. However, for most of us, the opportunity for growth is to fulfill ourselves. The bonus is having other amazing people in our lives to share our joy; people who help us as we help them–by being sounding boards for each other as a means to help ourselves, rather than relying on others to fix our discomfort.

The next time you are upset with someone because they haven’t met your expectations, ask yourself these questions:

Did you clearly voice your expectations?
Are your expectations realistic?
Did they simply make a decision that was for their highest good?
Did they verbally make a commitment to you and break it?
If they verbally made a commitment to you and broke it, make sure you voice your disappointment and have a discussion where you can agree on future expectations.
If you continue to find yourself in situations where expectations were agreed upon and duties were unfulfilled with no extenuating circumstances, revisit why you are connected with this person and whether it’s a good match. Maybe it’s time to take all the energy you’ve been putting into that relationship and direct it back to yourself.

What are you lacking in your life? Is there a way you can fulfill that for yourself?

What are your next steps?

You are powerful.  It’s time to step into your power, take responsibility for the obstacles you are facing by seeing them as opportunities to step beyond your current comfort level.

Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

Jacquie Hermans is an Inspirational Comedian and an Emotional Intelligence Specialist. Jacquie offers Keynotes, Workshops, Retreats, Emcee Services and One on One Presentation Coaching.  You can connect with Jacquie via her website www.lightnup.ca

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